Reacting from impulse and emotion has been my biggest downfall of late. Acting off of emotion instead of walking away and allowing myself to cool down rather than externally jeopardize whatever was being offered before me. Allowing myself to be completely honest in such a vulnerable arena surrounding my emotions, an area I've never once entered let alone soaked in regarding its comforts.
Honest feelings surrounding disappointment, hurt, and regret.
Regret.
A feeling I never entertain due to it being a consequence of my actions no matter how significant or superficial. Allowing myself to break loose of all walls which once shielded my head and heart, allowing those walls to plumet for just a second while feeling the intense tenderness of my well-being and its state. A moment which made me take a step back and promise myself the next actions over this course of life to walk away when in the face of pivotal love.
Love, the one thing I've craved throughout the years I have lived, the one thing I have ever envied or relished for. The one thing that causes me to either shut down in hurt or turn away in guilt. It was this very night I lie in bed asking myself if it were the gravity of my consequence which would have me close my heart for good and finally toss in the towel and surrender while waving a white preened flag, or if I would finally admit that it was I who was not deserving of such intensity and I who would never experience the pure affection and charisma of another. Questions plunging steadfast with doubt, and pity on a full soul rendered outline.
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