Throughout this experience and its shifting process surrounding my inner-lining transformation, I've come to see that no matter how much effort I present internally and how much I've attempted to grasp the notions at work, I'm not as tactical as I once thought. I'm not sure if it is due to me being hard on myself or due to me beginning to engage in things I once distanced myself from purposefully.
I took a trip back home throughout this path towards inner peace and I've come to see that no matter how much progress I may have made, the feeling of hindering will forever prolong until my interlining and its strength has stabilized.
I will admit to the fact that not working during the beginning of this made things tremendously easier and smoother and now I have to balance work while attempting to obtain a correct footing for my newly distanced social life. Two things that were not a problem before but are now current and consistent factors which I believe may be prolonging this personal affair.
I'm very hard on myself, mentally, I have multiple goals and fuel off ambition yet am starting to realize that I may need to limit myself on account of the lack of motivation I currently acquire. Southern was once a place of excitement for me: consistent partying, campus outings, and friendly involvements yet at this point and time in life I find myself more focused on my career and the surroundings I'm currently engulfed within which will only encourage the actions of moving and fixating through motions.
I'm crediting myself due to the occupation I currently hold but I am also aware that the world can slip out from under me at any time and how the possibility of lost stability, incoming finance, and inner peace are far greater in fear than of possible loss.
This personal voyage has pushed my mentality to mature and now the fear of failure has been the light up under me and the drive to keep going while maintaining healthy and beneficial habits.
Throughout this I realize that the point of finding yourself and your inner peace consists of the continuous effort one must consistently pour into themselves because the feelings of doubt and uncertainty will enter when least expected. I also see that it's important to trust and have stability within oneself mentally for when those feelings begin to reveal themselves, the work that was done will have one already prepared for that very moment.
Customarily, I've also noticed that life can be smooth sailing yet somehow one can still find themselves quick to think that their falling short since internalized expectations are not going as great as the once detailed picture accustomed for in their head.
The expectations I personally have on myself are not always practical. I know how important it is to dream big and realistically, yet at the same time I also know that expecting too much without acknowledging the good that has already been done doesn't make things any better if I can't take it into account through fixated appreciation.
There’s 24 hours in a day, and sometimes those days won't be as great as I expect them to be but if I am trying my best and attempting to excel without halting or quitting, that's all that matters; It's a moment I'm discovering for the first time in this process. Im learning how to navigate through without quitting and backing down.
I'm learning to literally grab life by the horns and push through.
The fear I have awaiting my transfer acceptance is noted but the faith I have is far more grand. I have faith in myself and believe that with God by my side, whatever is meant to be will be and regardless of the outcome it'll only be to better me and lead me further towards my personal legend.
I have faith in God and I trust in his plan. The universe attracts life and my life will soon be flipped upside right. My faith trumps my fear.
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