I hit a spot along this journey where I was met not necessarily with resistance nor restriction but of confusion within myself. I have an idea regarding my purpose and its legend yet I am not entirely sure what it is. I have theories, but even those change over time. I have noticed through repeated experiences that God has a way of preparing me with a perfectly acute view of a picture in which the outlines are blurred and scrambled of something I may not fully understand due to the insufficient measures with-held and presented.
The results of his orchestration which were done to supply trust and breed faith were/are usually delivered through grand gestures and measures. I very much understand and believe that everyone is entitled to have their own belief system. Not only this, but the choice to indulge in their own credence of faith without the subjection of judgement. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and compatibility.
My personal faith with God was built overtime, the same with trust. I had many moments which built these fundamentals, some far from easy. Throughout my first two years of college that faith was met with many challenges and test but the trust I had in God was stronger than any of the trials.
My freshmen year of college I realized that that current position I was in was setting my life onto a path I otherwise never would have ventured to. A path mapped out and outlined before my eyes which had me without capability of understanding and seeing. Through growth, my eyes began to see more than they were originally qualified to see.
By my sophomore year I had hit rock bottom and did not know how to "get up". I was the epitome of a broke college student and only had faith to cling to. By month 4 I had landed a job and began my career as a behavioral therapist, I had found my present calling and its' purpose.
Working with kids has been something I'd always done since early highschool; from babysitting and teaching to coaching to directing kids plays.
The steps God provided me with at an early age are now steps to the foundation of my career. A current major in Psychology while minoring in early childhood with hopes of obtaining my doctorates in clinical child and adolescent now illustrates my once blank page.
The place I am currently in at this point and time in all honesty, I never saw it coming. A recently turned 20-year-old working in her field as a behavioral therapist who also as of 8:03pm May 27, 2022 was now an accepted Prairie View A&M Transfer Student. The stress and worry I had while awaiting the acceptance of my transfer was gruesome to say the least. We tell kids that they can be anything, that nothing is too big if they set their minds to it; yet as we get older we start to lose the value and belief in that. We start to second guess every move and motive while forgetting that our God is the conductor and that we are all a part of this ride and to remain permanently free.
Free to enjoy the view, take in the scent of the treasures around us: the chirps and gospel within each bird and butterfly, and the view of every insect and well-muscled being. Things which were placed to keep us company and occupy our outer sight and not derange us in discomfort.
Up until this very moment, the last few days I've encountered have been empty.
Not lost or drained, but confused and apprehensive of what it was that he was truly doing. I'm still not 100% sure of what it is he has in store but the trust I have in him is far greater than the once installed fear.
There's a statement which enunciates and claims that adults need to believe in God (your God) the same way a little kid believes in Santa Clause, and ever since then I have tried my hardest to keep my heart and soul not only God fearing but childlike.
Childlike in faith, in charisma, and in imagination. Stopping to smell the flowers, appreciate the views, and truly take in every moment presented before me.
I am a Servants Heart recipient, and I am proud of it. I am proud of my faith, of my journey, and of myself. The testimony I have brewing within me is going to roar and shake up the heavens. Shake it in excitement, in triumph, and in hope. Hope that a change is coming deep from within.
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