Detachment comes in the form of many things. People, Places, objects, and even internal things such as overthinking, over analysis, attainment, etc. While moving into my apartment the layout of my room turned out exactly how I envisioned it; I'm the type of person who will work on something as simple as a bedroom design from decor and colors, to a theme for months. And what is crazy is that my first idea is normally the idea I revert back to no matter how many times I have changed it through alteration or deleting it altogether.
While Designing my room I remember being in Totty 109C with friends and current roommates, designing the layout of our future living room and bedrooms. I have this thing with warmth and openness. Light airy colors as the baseline (white) and warm colors to pop and add that neutral cozy feeling into the atmosphere (Burnt red/orange, beige, forest green touches, with small colored factors to add light and airy open touches). Not only through color but through room accessories: plants, sculptures, pictures/paintings, etc. The layout of the room I pictured in that moment is damn near identical to the room I find myself conformed to. My room is my happy place, the place I find comfort and secureness to escape from the outside world.
In the process of building my room throughout the 4/5 months, I came across this sculpture of an overthinker. It was perfect since I was an over-thinker myself. The rigidness of the exterior a symbolism to my earthy tones and rigid personality.
This point and time I find myself paying attention to my inner child, doing things I used to do when I was younger while allowing all creative outlets to come full term. Watching my favorite movies and TV shows from when I was younger and allowing myself to fully grasp those emotions I once felt and bringing them through.
I always thought my inner child was healed since my attention centered amongst children within adults. I made a podcast my first year in college centering on releasing ones inner child while allowing them to shine through without completely taking control. The people I would encounter who were so drained and caught up in the act of being demeaning and tough could easily be identified and seen as out of touch with their inner child. One could see that they allowed the conforming of society to shape their mindset and in the process they forgot just who they were while burying and hiding their truest spoken identity.
I have come to the realization that I am in touch with my inner child, but my inner child is not aligned with the path I am currently walking. The inner child in us shifts and transforms through the stages of life we encounter, It remains child-like and entertained. It keeps us down to earth and on the level of those around us internally.
I have this mentor-like consultant who I talk to at least once a month and we discussed inner children; during this she mentioned how our inner child walks through this life amongst us and how it is important to keep our inner child alive with the walkway we are currently partaking in.
I found myself heavily attached to overthinking while forming case-scenarios for everyone around me. Their thought process, their motives, their mishaps.
Everything.
I had a thesis for every person in my life, and I mentioned this to her. I mentioned how I have gotten to the point in my healing journey where I can turn my mind off and cease all overthinking and all outside thoughts and completely be in tune with myself.
These last few weeks I have ventured from Sex and the City and have been watching House of Anubis as well as Pretty Little Liars. The two shows that became a huge intellectual grasp within me. Mystery, romance, psychological thinking etc. And amid rewatching these My inner child has been on full display. It has gotten to the point where I can say “oh my inner child is out” and fully allow it to take over within immediate precaution.
Tonight was another one of those moments.
Ive made the weekdays my work days. No TV until the last hour before bed. That way I can assure that I am completing all the work which needs to be done throughout the weekdays and as a result, I can truly rest and be lazy come the weekends. Today was no different, only I came across a tik tok video and began playing ‘one kiss.’
Talk about a pump up song for one.
The LED lights became flashing strobe lights, Alexa became my personal DJ, and all decor became props. In the middle of The Cheetah girls I found my impulsiveness taking over which soon led to the infamous ‘over thinker’ statue and its demise. It fell and cracked in half.
Talk about mid moment shock.
As soon as my mind processed the fact that my favorite sculpture cracked, the inner child in me took over once more and tossed it onto my bed. Not even 5 minutes later and the arm was now detached as well.
Detached. Detached from the overthinking sounds which once consumed me the way snowflakes consume a snow globe once shaken up. The over analysis in me immediately began producing ideas as to what it symbolized. The top being me breaking away from all overthinking thoughts.
I realized that everything around me deeply holds attachment to my boundaries and peace. My surroundings with these symbols not only weigh in on me, but they also hold power just within the symbolization of its figurine. Detaching yourself from items may not seem necessary, but once you move on from that stance you may find that the objects which hold symbolism may also move on from you.
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