To say the feeling of pure loneliness is one I am experiencing is a truer voice of acknowledgement than ever spoken. Week two has more rhythm in syncretism than week one. Week 2 has more familiarity within my studies, my classes, and their discussions.
Week two also offers the ability for campus to open back up and reward the town and its housed students with the first game of the season and first home game wrapped together as one.
I have stayed connected with my SU people because they are in fact, my people. For once I am on the other end of the phone listening and facing self-pity since I am here, alone and they are there, together. Not only is it the opener and first home game of the season here, but it is also that in BR. Week 1 home. Week 2 SU vs LSU. games that without a doubt I would have been at plastered but far from alone.
This whole time since I have been here, I have forbidden myself into feeling pity, alone, lonely, or even regretful of my decisions, yet walking to the MSC and bookstore I could not prevent myself from passing up the line wrapped around the event center for football tickets. Friends laughing and waiting in line talking, planning the weekend away, and there I was alone, craving the anticipation and excitement as well as the surrounding of close friends.
At that moment I felt lonely. I felt alone. And at this moment I hold no regret for my choices, but a weight of uncertainty is one I undoubtedly feel. I currently sit in the library sunken, holding in tears, and feeling everything I've held in upon arrival. I don't regret my decision, I just wish I had never done it.
Comments